Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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