Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
