I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
