Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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