Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
