they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
