i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
