i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize