my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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