After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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