threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
