I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
