He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
