Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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