when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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