sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I deserve this hangover.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
