At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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