I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
