Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
