god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
