I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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