I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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