Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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