So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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