They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
