I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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