I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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