I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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