Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
