i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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