I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
