The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
