Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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