If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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