I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
