theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
