My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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