either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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