i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
