i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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