my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we're so committed to being not committed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
