its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
