I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize