marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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