thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
