you told grandpa to call you daddy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
