I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
