I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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