Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
