apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
