I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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