why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
