You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
