you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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