maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
