oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
