someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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