those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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