Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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