i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
