just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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