Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
did you just send me my own nude
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
