dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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