Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
