Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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