i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
