I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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